a. All your fingernails are dirty, and both thumbs are green.
b. The smell of manure awakens your senses.
c. Have nightmares about failed cuttings, transplants that grew up, and abandoned garden goals.
d. Even the King birds don't buzz your head.
e. You have more fresh vegetables than the Brady Bunch or Walton Clan could eat in a week.
f. You mumble around your vegetables, and believe the garden speaks to you.
g. You chuckle at inane garden jokes and your "sense of humus" is thick.
h. Diversity is an obsession, and garden catalog purchases are a monthly compulsion.
i. You have held every gardening book and magazine at your local bookstore and public library.
j. Composting and watering are rituals.
k. The garden speaks to you and you take notes.
l. You decide to create gardening webpages.
m. As soon as your head touches the pillow, you instantly dive into a deep sleep.
n. Your doctor tells you that you have Weeder's Elbow along with Spader's Back.